"Barsexuals" Are Not Like Bisexuals

Some people think that it's terrible that others are more prone to show affection after drinking. Apparently they have come up with a new word "barsexual" for women who'll flirt with other women when they're drunk. The objection is that they're either giving bisexuals a bad name as 'experimenters' or else playing into the idea that we're all straight really. Barsexuals certainly not "real bisexuals", we're told - but here at the Bisexual Index we disagree!

They might be, it's up to them.

We think that attraction is the key to bisexuality, not the relationships, or the sex, or the lifestyle. We're also well aware that some people find it easier to show their attraction after a few pints, but we don't think that alcohol changes sexuality, just lowers inhibitions.

Yes, some people aren't interested in sex, or relationships, with more than one gender - just flirting and kissing. But the amount of attraction isn't relevant for bisexuality - just its existence.

The same thing goes for straight and gay: if you were attracted to only the opposite sex, but just wanted to kiss, cuddle and flirt with them, then don't you agree you'd still have every right to call yourself 'straight' if you wanted to? We think that the same thing holds true for gay people, and so it must hold true for bisexual folk too, regardless of the amount of attraction they feel towards other genders.

Just as you can be bisexual without having yet slept with more than one gender, so you can be bisexual without wanting to do so either. It's not about the sex. Ultimately it's up to people to label themselves, so we think that "barsexuals" who use the word "bisexual" about themselves have every right to do so, and bisexuals who feel the b-word needs to be protected from fuzzy edges should go and calm down. Sexuality is all about those fuzzy edges!

Words like barsexual and bicurious are used as slurs to denigrate people and set up "good bis" vs "bad bis". Please don't join in.